The monogamous 15 and the your naked self.

Did you ever hear of the freshman 15? You know, when a student finally sets sails into college and without the help of high school athletics, packs on about 10-15 lbs from both drinking and just the adjustment? I was not one of those freshmen. I came to school driven to surpass the freshman 15 and spent my mornings at 7 am running a few miles at a time followed by sit-ups and push ups. Given, after I stopped playing basketball in high school I gained a few but after that I was rock steady and keeping my 'healthy curvy' body. I look at pictures from my freshmen year and I admit, I looked better than I expected I would with the dreaded curse.

But then somewhere between overachieving and getting my repetitive dean's list GPA and making it out to parties to play beer pong I stacked about 13 pounds on. Luckily with my 68 inch height it wasn't that noticeable or at least I keep telling myself that. I mean if I was 5'1'' I think 13 pounds would clearly plump me up. However; I still am not thrilled with the fact that out of nowhere in the blink of an eye I was not fitting into my jeans from freshman year anymore. For anyone who knows where I am coming from, it is the worst thing in the world to come out of summer and in the first fall day, try on that pair of jeans that you can't even get up past your thighs. Like, it is literally the worst feeling ever. I believe just about everyone, or maybe I am just awkward, finds a reason why they don't fit. My first thought? My damn mother must have shrunk these damn things. *even though she hasn't done my laundry for two years now*

Okay am I alone here? I have spent the last few months doing everything I could to keep the weight from packing on and trying to lose what I put on between sophomore and junior year of college. First off, I think in between those years I was dealing with a lot of personal issues and did what us women do best..... eat my feelings. And did I ever.

I remember in those years talking to men about my insecurities and they would all say the same things ,

"Every girl gains weight after high school...." It was followed by some kind of theory that was actually POSITIVE.

Now I don't know about you but my theory? Guys like a girl that can hang with them, drink with them and not count every single calorie. In that sense, and in building relationships just like 'shazaaaaam' the little and excuse my language 'bastards' creep up on you and next thing you know you're not a size 8 anymore.

Which leads me to my theory.....

I believe that if woman aren't gaining the freshman 15 and are single then they are somewhat motivated to stay skinny and keep the heads turning. I have seen a reoccurring pattern with myself and many many of my girls. All of us were wicked skinny and looking our best when we didn't have anyone to impress. Then once we got comfortable- comfort won the battle and all of a sudden the weight packs on.

I once read a quote and it said this :::::

"The difference between your wife before marriage and your wife after marriage is simple.... 20 pounds."

How freaking depressing!!!!!! I refuse to be the 20 pound more heavy wife. So things need to change now.

And did you ever notice how men seem to just shrink in hours of watching what they eat? My boyfriend will watch what he eats for a week, run maybe once, and somehow drop 10 lbs. I have zero idea what he is doing that I'm not. I mean I'll cut dairy and eat celery sticks and grapefruit for a week straight, run 3 -5 miles every single day and gain 3 lbs. I mean COME ON!

I think we all want what we don't have. For those of you who don't know me to see me I have always been a curvacious woman with an ass and seemingly in the past 5 years a set of boobs too. But these assets don't come alone. They come with hips, thighs, tummy and arms.

Who would I love to look like?




Absolutely. Kate Hudson is just soooooo beautiful. Given, she has zero boobs and not much butt she still has this body that just screams *beautiful*. Well it's either that or my desire to be blonde - knowingly that I couldn't ever pull it off.



Okay my next topic.

How do you feel when you get out of the shower, wrapped in a towel and staring in the mirror? Do you think you are beautiful? I think, and especially after watching the Miss USA pageant, that society ruptures our idea of what is beautiful. I mean I'll look at myself and lie to the mirror,

"Oh ya, real beautiful.... oh my Gosh is that another stretch mark? My pores suck. My calves are too wide. My skin's not tan enough."

Good Lord. Please tell me I'm not alone here! I think it is important that we all face our insecurities and learn to embrace them. In a society where it's beautiful to be natural and horrible to be above a size 6 how are we supposed to function?

Can you honestly look in the mirror and say, "Alright you damn fine piece of a**, go get em'"

I don't think so.

So in the meantime. Besides my overwhelming amount of thoughts today, tomorrow morning- look in the mirror. Tell you, and the REAL you, that you're beautiful. You deserve the extra love and keep working for your better self.

Good night.