I have been changed for good.

This post is a bit different from the last few. Given it has been awhile since I have updated it has been a lot because I have been evaluating things in my life that have happened, that may be happening and that are happening as we speak. There's so many life choices to make in your 20's. Why doesn't anyone ever warn you? I am flooded by the possibility of reaching my goals but also being bombarded withe the idea of change and what comes with it. Change. That is a big word.

You can change something.

You can be changed.

You can create change.

The question is can you cope with the change that is being spiraled at you and in turn can those around you cope?

Personally, I have been bombarded with change since I was a young girl. There was always something drastic happening in my life. It took a lot for me to cope, but some how I managed. I made it through losing a brother, losing a dream, losing myself, losing friends and finally, losing touch with reality. Am I better person for it? Absolutely. I have begun a series of minor changes with myself that in turn is making things better for others. Through these drastic experiences I believe that an identity was born within me that has been lurking in my shadows the last 10 years. Recently I just started to finally find that identity.

I find myself now, as I remember, noticing that situations that were flooded with change were things I avoided at all costs. Maybe because subconsciously I already endured so many that the idea of creating a safe harbor for myself anymore was unthinkable.

Regardless, when I think back on these situations I remember the tiniest things, and if i let myself I rekindle the feelings I felt during those times. Is that a good idea? I'm not sure. I just like to remind myself that bad can happen at anytime, so brace yourself and above all- ALWAYS prepare for the worst. Pessimistic? Absolutely. Intriguing? Most definitely. I think that people in this day and age do not embrace change enough.

This blog is titled 'The Goals to Meet' for a reason, not because I want to just be 20 lbs lighter. I also want to let go of the things that plague me, find a suitable career, make peace with my past and plan for a realistic future. People do not talk enough about their goals. I don't mean over dinner with someone on a first date, or with their advisor from college or their sports coach. I'm talking about discussing your goals with the most important person, and that is you. Have you sat down lately and asked yourself why you made this decision or why you turned down another? I think we are in such a hectic fast paced lifestyle that we are always on the course but forget to look at the scenery. Maybe we spend so much time looking ahead that we forget to look beside ourselves.



A dear friend of mine that I met nearly a year ago got in touch with me a few days ago. This person was a quite and humble character that was unique to me. They were immigrated from Italy and came to America to get an education. I was intrigued and maintained an 'acquaintance-friendship' that consisted of the mere hellos and coffee a few times with groups of friends. I was living in New York City for the summer working at Fox Searchlight Pictures. Continuing, this person was so inspiring but in the same sense.... so utterly lonely. As I think a vast majority of New Yorkers are. I'm not sure why it is, but everyone is on such a different page compared to us 'suburbs' folks. I believe that so many people in New York are so focused on success and living in the 'I want to become' phase that they neglect their soul's hunger for love and companionship. After talking with my friend the infamous words came out, "I'm just so very lonely, Eden." That is probably the 20Th time I have heard that from one of my friends in New York. So many people are just so driven (which i so greatly admire) but in the end come home to empty studios and even more empty hearts. I guess it is all about values.

What does success mean to you?

What does family mean to you?

What would you give up to have love?

Would you give up love for something else?

What are you willing to do ---to get the feeling in your stomach of wanting more--- out?

I have been so very blessed to have experiences the opportunities I did the last few years. I firmly believe that I am spoiled rotten and that God has given me more beyond my wildest dreams. But some days I still find myself sitting in a quiet room asking 'What if'? What does it take for those in Generation X to feel some sort of completeness or accomplishment?

It is both a blessing and a curse. I believe that it is a blessing for my professional career but a curse for my relationships I harvest with friends family and significant others. I just want so much to reach out to people so that in their lives, their changes are not so drastic that they are frightening of alterations with fate. I want to help so very much.

I guess as they say "Reach as high as you can towards the moon and if you fail-- you will without a doubt land among the stars". So reach, jump, leap, shut your eyes and let go. Its time.